I'll Never Lose You
copyright 2004 Linda Ellis

My friend revealed in conversation,
she'd lost her father last year
and I realized after all these months,
that memory still brought forth a tear.

I considered her feelings carefully,
and rehearsed her words in my mind...
still I had to recall that old cliche',
"seek and you shall find."

When she said she'd lost her father,
it seemed to me, rather bleak,
for he never would be truly lost
if she knew just where to seek.

My father, you sit before me now,
your body's strength has been taken
and soon will come the sorrowful day
from peaceful sleep, you'll not awaken.

So there is something that I need to say
before your spirit leaves this earth
to let you know how much, to me,
your time here has been worth.

Those words, "I lost my father,"
no one will ever hear me say
because I know that I will find you
in my own life, every day.

You are a part of me forever,
you own a piece of my heart
and that will never, ever change
no matter how long we're apart.

The years of memories we've shared
will endlessly play in my mind...
no, I'll never lose my father,
you...I'll always find.

I'll find the memory of your smile
and your bellowing laughter in my head.
Through the years, your voice will have echoed
in most everything I've said.

And when I look into my children's eyes,
there...I will see you, too --
for they are laughing, living legacies
of the grandpa they once knew.

I will carry you with me always
because your life is part of mine
and I know there will be days to come
when, for your company, I'll pine.

But, I will never lose you, dad,
your love will always surround
my thoughts, my heart, my very soul...
where forever, you'll be found.

Linda Ellis

I search the sky for answers,
and I hold my head up high
trying to make this man proud
of the way his daughter says goodbye.

The gentle souls that stand around me
try to console with warm embraces
attempting to conceal their own grief
behind tear-stained, smiling faces.

As I silently approach your casket
and quietly sit down near it,
I remind myself, this eternal box
will never house your spirit.

Its satin walls have only one purpose,
to guard and protect the shell
of a strong man who once walked this earth,
a man I knew…and loved so well.

Slowly I turn my head from the preacher,
whose muffled words fall on deaf ears
for though he means well, he knew not
the man for whom I cry these tears.

I hear a gun salute in the distance
to honor this veteran who has died
and the bullets remind me of true irony,
for they are as empty as I feel inside.

And near your final resting place
above your grave, I see the trees
where beneath, you’ll lie in shaded ground 
with the warmth of southern breeze.

This day I've done the best I could,
I’ve paid my respects unto the crowd.
I’ve tried to be as strong as you were,
and dad, I hope I’ve made you proud.

As I gently bend to kiss your coffin,
this final farewell to you, I bid...
I know there has never been a daughter
who loved her father as I did.

Linda Ellis

The Weeks That Follow
copyright 2004 Linda Ellis

I thought I’d never feel a deeper pain
than that day we followed your hearse,
but I’m finding in the weeks that follow,
the heartache gets much worse.

Though millions of lives go on untouched
and time continues its forward stride,
I cannot ignore the pain in my heart,
nor the emptiness inside.

A part of my life has been taken
and for it, I’ll forever yearn.
Kind condolences only confirm the fact
that to me, you will never return.

Though, I know I will feel endlessly,
your strong presence in my life,
your absence feels like a healing wound
re-opened daily with a knife.

Each day I reach for the telephone,
a routine I’ve known for years,
as reality cruelly enters my mind...
again, I cry rivers of tears.

I feel an empty, hollow place inside
that will never again be whole,
a place your life once occupied,
which lies deep within my soul.

Peacefully lying in your eternal bed,
you looked so handsome on that day
as I held tightly to your cold, cold hand
and brushed back your hair of gray.

Though I know you’ve gone to a better place,
and it’s selfish to mourn the way I do,
I have learned in these weeks that follow,
that I will NEVER stop missing you.

It's been said that time heals all wounds
and gone will be, this grief I weather
but I view time as only my enemy,
because we'll have no more together.

Linda Ellis

************************

A Letter to Cancer
by Linda Ellis Copyright 2003

I have tried to teach my children
not to detest, insult, berate,
but I cannot follow my own advice
when I am so filled with hate.

You are slowly stealing my father
and though some say this is God’s will,
those words will never stop me
from despising you, still.

Yes I hate you, cancer
like I’ve hated nothing before,
I’ve cried so much, my eyes are dry
for tears…there are no more.

If only I could fight you,
my anger alone could win the bout,
I would crush you down to ashes
until "surrender!" you would shout.

And if you were a mighty tree,
I would destroy you limb by limb
until you swore to put an end to
all the pain you’re causing him.

What gives you the right?
What gives you the power?
Just who do you think you are?
You have no feelings or compassion
for all the many lives you scar.

If I were a scientist, I’d concentrate
on finding the key to your demise;
just like those cowards on 9-11,
you attack with a heartless surprise.

You personify evil,
you are wicked and cruel;
you thrive on others’ sorrow…
like cars run on fuel.

You are forever my enemy,
my nemeses, my foe,
but before you take my best friend,
there’s something you should know…

He hasn’t relinquished his dignity;
his inner strength shall persevere
and you’ll never have the satisfaction
of realizing his fear.

Because if you had a face,
he would look you straight in the eye
and say to you what he’s said to me…
that he’s not afraid to die.

You may have chosen his last day
and though he may be near it,
your power has its limitations
because you’ll never break his spirit!

Linda Ellis

Stolen Minutes
copyright 2003 Linda Ellis

I'm feeling a constant pain inside
buried deep within my soul...
as if the center of my heart
has a gaping, bleeding hole.

I've never felt such hurt as this,
filled with sadness...anger...fear
and a small prayer for a miracle falls
inside each and every tear.

How could he ward off an enemy
that he could not hear or see?
And how can I stop this evil cancer
from taking my father from me?

I feel helpless; I feel weak
for I cannot aid him in his plight.
I cannot step into the boxing ring
to help him win this fight.

God, I'm asking for your help,
with clasped hands on bended knee;
the one who has always given me strength
now needs that strength from me.

But I cannot stop the hands of time
or the minutes on the clock
and who are you supposed to turn to
when your rock needs a rock?

There are no words to let him know
everything that I am feeling
and every time we speak, I feel
there are minutes I am stealing.

I am stealing precious minutes
and I am putting them away
as if each were a special flower
in a sweet memory bouquet.

But these minutes will not pass
without my letting him know
that the love he's always given me
is the greatest gift he could bestow.

And when my own time on this earth
someday comes to an end,
I know I'll be welcomed by the open arms
of my father...my best friend.

Linda Ellis